i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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