I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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