I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
