I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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