im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
