i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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