The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
