she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
