in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
