I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
