their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
