i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
