She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
