just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
