It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
