the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize