Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
