why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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