Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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