Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
