We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
