the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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