I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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