i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
