a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
