His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
