so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
