been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
