You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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