I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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