my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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