It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am midnight drunk by noon
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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