The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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