Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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