I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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