respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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