do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
