um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
