you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
