everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
