It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
