Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are two peas in an std pod
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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