So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
