I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
