Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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