1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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