I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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