Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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