his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
