My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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