Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
