If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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