Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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