he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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