I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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