Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
