definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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