I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
