A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
