Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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