I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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