There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
