When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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