That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
