You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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