well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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