Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
