if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
