do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
