so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
