Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
