there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
