he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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