i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
