i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
