Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
