You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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