took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
