hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
