she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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