I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
