my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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